Phineas and Ferb's Christmas caper
by tiff0795
Summary: Number three in the Phineas and Ferb holiday chronicles! People all around the world celebrate Christmas, so I made one with no religion. But read The Nativity, or else you won't understand the Easter one because I am not making a second Easter one!
1. Chapter 1

A/N Yes, I did do another one and I ask that your read The Nativity too, or else you won't understand the Easter one. But I did this because it occurred to me that everybody around the world celebrates Christmas a different way, so I'm making one with no religion. In case you guys don't know yet, there will be a Phineas and Ferb Christmas special! On December 11 for Disney and December 6 for Disney XD. There will be seven new songs and they will be available on iTunes the first week in December.

"Ah, Christmas vacation, the only thing that has a chance against summer vacation, even though it's not as good by far, it still has two holidays that are celebrated all around the world," Phineas said with hot chocolate in the living room. Ferb took a sip of his hot chocolate.

"Everyone on the world is peaceful and spending time with family and watching Christmas specials. Everyone is excited to break out the eggnog and presents and cookies," Phineas said deridingly, "the perfect picture."

"Are you kidding me? No one's peaceful. Everyone is frazzled and everything is busy, and everyone gets disappointed when it don't come out like they planned. Then the day after Christmas the stores are filled to the brim. Everyone is mad because of the debate over 'x-mas' and all the different religions and everyone is so competitive," Candace said, hearing the boys'…well… Phineas' conversation.

"But, Candace, look at this," Phineas said, pointing to the TV that was showing "Frost the Snowman"

"The most realistic Christmas shows are 'Grandma got run over by a Reindeer' and 'A Charlie Brown Christmas'," Candace said and walked out of the room.

"Gee, Ferb, Candace may have a point," Phineas said, sulking back in his chair, "if only we could spread the joy of Christmas and remind them what it's all about."

Ferb shrugged. Phineas thought hard, and then a smile came across his face. "That's it! Feb, I know what we're gonna do tonight!" he said. He took a long drink of hot chocolate then spit it back into the cup and started fanning his mouth with his hand.

"Careful, it's a little hot," Ferb said.

"No, duh," Phineas said with his tongue sticking out. He looked around, "hey, where's Perry?"

Perry was lying in front of the fireplace. He looked around to make sure the coast was clear and threw on his hat. He pushed a button on his watch and the brim of his hat let out a blue glow that went straight down. The glow engulfed his whole body and soon he was at his secrete headquarters. Major Monogram came on the screen.

"Agent P, thanks for coming on such short notice, and with it being a holiday and all, but you know there is no predicting evil. As you know, this has something to do with Doofenshmirtz and as you know, we are not completely sure what exactly he's doing. So find out what he's up to, and put a stop to it," Major monogram said. Perry suluted and went over to where his hovercraft usually is, but instead he found a giant bubble. He looked back at the screen.

"Oh, yeah, we're trying a new form of transportation," Major Monogram said. Perry gave him a suspicious look. "We had that idea way before the boys did," Major Monogram said, "and it's not even a bubble, it's a camouflage ball." Perry looked back at the bubble and saw a small scanner. He put his hat next to it and then a door opened and steps came down. Inside, it was a bright red with controls. Perry stepped in and the door shut behind him. A black light came on and Perry guided the ball out the door and headed to Doofenshmirtz Evil, inc.

"I can't figure out what I'm going to give Jeremy, Stacy," Candace said on the phone. She suddenly heard scratching on the roof. "Um, Stacy, I'll have to call you back," she said. Candace hung up the phone and looked out the window. "O.K., who's out there?" Candace yelled.

"Oh, hi, Candace," Phineas said. Candace looked up and saw the boys on the roof with a bunch of stainless steel.

"What are you doing up there?" Candace yelled. Phineas looked over the whole project.

"It's not finished, yet. We still need the helicopter blades and the controls," Phineas said, "Hey, Candace, how good are you at welding?"

"Oh, when Mom sees this, you are going down!" Candace said, running into her parents' room. "Mom, you got to see this," Candace said.

"Honestly, it's Christmas Eve, can't you just go one day without accusing the boys of anything?" Linda said.

"Oh, just come on!" Candace said, taking her mother's hand and dragging her toward the outside door, but she stopped in the kitchen when she said the boys scanning through the recipes.

"Hi, boys," Linda said.

Phineas looked up. "Oh, hi, Mom," he said.

"What are you looking for?" Linda asked.

"The recipe for no-bake cookies," Phineas answered, "We're gonna bake some and give them to people for Christmas with a note attached to the box."

"Oh, how sweet! Do I have two of the most generous boys or what?" Linda said as she walked back to her room. "By the way, the recipe's on top of the microwave," Linda called out. Phineas crawled on top of the counter and grabbed the recipe from the top of the microwave.

"Thanks," Phineas called out.

"And how will you bake all these cookies?" Candace asked.

"Well, one, they're called 'no-bake cookies' for a reason, and secondly, Ferb invented this invention-" Phineas said

"Imagine that, inventing an invention," Candace said. Phineas laughed.

"Well, anyway, Ferb invented this," Phineas said, holding up a silver box, "it reduces the settling time and automatically puts them into little silver boxes with a short saying in them."

"And what will you do with all those boxes?" Candace asked as Ferb grabbed the stuff to make the cookies.

"Well that's where the stainless steel comes in; we're going to make a sleigh, and it will fly over all the countries and, BOOM, we're around the world inn eighty minutes," Phineas said.

"So, you're going to be Santa?" Candace asked.

"Kinda, except we're going to have a propeller instead of reindeer, "Phineas said. "Come, follow me." Phineas led Candace into the garage. Ferb was already in there with a long piece of steel.

"Hey, Ferb, are the helicopter blades ready?" Phineas asked. Ferb held up four blades and handed Phineas two of them.

"Excellent! Could you grab the welding torch and the cookie supplies?" Phineas asked as he grabbed the toolbox and the little silver box. Candace grabbed some rope and the lights.

"Candace, you're helping us?" Phineas asked.

"Well, what good is a bunch of stainless steel on the roof going to do? If I want to bust you, I should at least make sure it's completed," Candace said. Phineas looked at her for a minute.

"O.K., then, let's get to work," he said.

Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated

Doofenshmirtz was writing down something on a piece of paper, when all of the sudden, he saw the Christmas tree shake. He turned to it just in time to see a squirrel jump out.

"A squirrel?! Oh, come on!" Doofenshmirtz yelled. The squirrel un-zipped the zipper that was on him and out came Perry.

"Perry the Platypus?!" How did you get in my tree?" Doofenshmirtz asked. Perry pointed to the open window behind the tree.

"Well, that's ah, one way," Doofenshmirtz said. "Well it doesn't matter, because you are min now!" he said, pushing a button. Perry looked up just in time to see a latch open and some reefs falling on him.

"So, I bet you're wondering what my evil scheme is, well let me tell you. My evil scheme is to destroy Christmas!" Doofenshmirtz said. Perry just started at him.

"I know it is redundant, but here let me explain," Doofenshmirtz said, "back when I was just a young old lad, Christmas has always been the lousiest day of the year, next to my birthday, that is. Something would go wrong every year like, out neighbors blinding us with Christmas lights, the tree catching on fire, and grandma getting run over be a reindeer."

Perry stared at him. "Which is why I invented the X-inator! You know with all that x-mas stuff and you know," Doofenshmirtz said, looking at his watch. "Oh, would you look at the time, Perry the Platypus, I think I'll do it in the morning. Right now, I'll sleep in my bedroom of bells," he said, walking into a room with bells covering the walls. "I try to ring one every day because you know, every time a bell rings, an angel gets his wings," he said, turning off the light. "Good night, Perry the Platypus."

"O.K., while Ferb and I attach these blade to the bottom of the sleigh, you put the stuff into the cookie machine and then send it up," Phineas said. He was sitting on a loop in the rope and Candace was pulling him up from the ground. Ferb was already on the roof.

"'K, Candace said. She poured the cookie mix in and then tied the lights to it, swung it around a few times and hurtled it at the roof. She took the rope and shimmied her way up. She saw Phineas putting a red cushion on a very intricately designed sleigh.

"Wow, you guys do have some sense of fashion," Candace said.

"You like it? Here, let me show you how it works," Phineas said, taking her over to the controls. "It pretty simple, this switch starts the blades, and this joystick controls it."

Ferb hopped into the drivers seat and Phineas sprawled out on the cushion.

"O.K., time for lift-off. You coming, Candace?" Phineas said.

"Are you crazy?! The whole reason I helped you was so that I could bust you," Candace said, waling over to the rope.

"O.K., suite yourself. C'mon, Ferb," Phineas said. Ferb switched on the switch and the sleigh hovered over the roof. Candace looked down and saw that the was standing on the rope. She looked and saw that it was attached to the sleigh.

"Phineas, wait!" Candace screamed.

"Here we go!" Phineas said, not hearing his sister over the roar of the engine. Ferb pushed the joystick forward and the sleigh sprinted forward. The rope wrapped around Candace's feet and she went with the sleigh. Ferb pushed the button on the joystick and the sleigh shot up. Candace screamed.

"did you hear something?" Phineas asked.

"Phineas, help!" Candace screamed.

Phineas looked over that side of the sleigh and saw Candace dangling off the rope. "So you did come!" he said.

"Does it look like I had a choice?!" Candace screamed.

"Hold on, we got you," Phineas said, sitting next to Ferb and taking the joystick from him. "Hold on," he instructed. He let the sleigh shoot straight up and then come to a sudden stop, which caused Candace to shoot up past the sleigh. He backed up the sleigh and Candace fell into it.

"Are you O.K.?" Phineas asked.

"Yeah, sure," Candace said, untying the rope.

"O.K., Ferb, al yours," Phineas said, giving Ferb control of the joystick again. "O.K., Candace, to get the boxes to drop, all you have to do is push this button," Phineas said, handing Candace the box. Candace pushed the button and twenty boxes cam out. Phineas started throwing the boxes and they were landing on people's front porch.

"Nice aim," Candace said.

"Thanks," Phineas responded.

"So, what's the plan?" Candace asked.

"We're going to go toward Europe and when we get to Japan, we'll do a U-turn and cover the Southern Hemisphere, then we'll go back and cover the rest of the United States. Then, we'll end up back at home," Phineas answered.

"So, where are we headed to?" Candace said.

"The United Kingdom!" Just like the United States, except way smaller," Phineas said.

The sound of a bell ringing awaked Doofenshmirtz. "What? Who is it?" Doofenshmirtz called into the darkness.

"Tonight you will be visited be three ghosts," a voice called out.

"Who was that?" Doofenshmirtz said, turning on the light. He looked over to Perry, who was sleeping in a cocoon of reefs. A ghost popped out behind Perry.

"Hello there! I am the ghost of Christmas past!" the ghost said, jumping on Doofenshmitz's bed.

"Are you gonna take me to my past and show me the Christmases before?" Doofenshmirtz said.

"I could, but you already know your past, so what would that do? No, I'm just here so you can get a feel on how the other ghosts will be," the ghost said. Doofenshmirtz stared at it. "Well, I guess my job is done, good bye," the ghost said and vanished.

"Well, that was unusual," Doofenshmirtz said. He turned the lights off and went back to sleep.

"Ah, London, I can see why you talk about it so much, Ferb. Once a year just isn't enough," Phineas said.

"Yeah, but I think London can only stand you guys once a year," Candace said. Phineas sprawled out on the cushion and put his hands behind his head. "Wait, if it's the middle of the night in America, wouldn't it be early in the morning in London?" Candace asked. Phineas and Ferb looked at each other, then went to the side and saw people walking around in the twilight.

"Hmm, the time change completely slipped my mind," Phineas said, "Well, it doesn't matter, nail the people!" Phineas and Ferb started throwing boxes right in front of the people.

"Wait, if you're here, and so are you, then who's driving this thing?" Candace said, pointing to the boys.

"Relax, Ferb installed and autopilot," Phineas said.

"I did?" Ferb asked. Phineas shot a look at Ferb and they all looked forward. The sleigh was pointing down and was heading for a lady with white hair.

"Grandma!" The kids all shouted.

Grandma Fletcher looked up to see the sleight headed straight toward her. Phineas took the joystick and jerked it up, but he jerked it up to hard and the sleigh turned upside down and the kids fell out. Luckily, the sleigh kept going and they landed in the sleigh.

The boys looked up at each other and then broke into an uncontrollable fit of laughter.

"Well, that was interesting," Candace said.

"I can't breathe," Phineas said, holding his stomach.

Candace sighed and grabbed the joystick. "You can tell when you guys are tired."

Another bell rang and Doofenshmirtz sat up in bed. "Who is it now?" he asked into the darkness.

"The ghost of Christmas Present!" said a blood-red ghost that popped up beside Doofenshmirtz. Doofenshmirtz jumped a little.

"What are you here for to tell me?" Doofenshmirtz asked.

"Well, I was going to tell you about Tiny Tim, but there are no Tiny Tims in the tri-state area so, yeah, wait for the ghost of Christmas yet to come," the ghost said, and disappeared.

The kids were over the Pacific Ocean. Candace was driving while Phineas and Ferb were taking a nap on the cushion. Candace spotted land.

"Guys, we're in the Southern Hemisphere," Candace said. Phineas stretched.

"All right! It's summer again!" Phineas said, pulling off his heavy coat and pulled the bottom part of his jeans off. He was now in his orange striped shirt and jean shorts.

"You wear your summer clothes over your winter clothes?" Candace asked as Ferb started pulling off his layers.

"Yeah, don't you?" Phineas asked.

Candace shook her head. "Here, we'll help you," Phineas said, pulling off Candace's coat and sweatshirt so she was just in her blouse. He tied the sweatshirt around her waist and the coat her coat around her waist, facing the opposite direction.

"Now, take off your pants and put the belt around your waist," Phineas said. Candace obeyed and she looked like she was in her regular summer clothes. Candace looked herself over.

"Wow, Phineas, you're good." Candace said.

"Thank you," Phineas said.

"Wait, who's driving?" Ferb asked.

"Ductape really does solve everything," Candace said. The boys looked over at the joystick and saw it ductaped into place.

"Nice," Phones commented.

Another bell rang and Doofenshmirtz sat up. "O.K., ghost of Christmas yet to come, will you can give me more info than the others did?" Doofenshmirtz asked into the darkness.

"Yes, yes I will," said a light blue ghost as it came out of the darkness.

"Light blue? Are you guys the ghost from Pac Man?" Doofenshmirtz asked.

"If you don't mind, I would rather not talk about it," the ghost said.

"You're Clyde, right?" Doofenshmirtz asked. The ghost gave him a look to stop. "Sorry."

"Yes, we, I came to tell you that even though you think you would destroy Christmas, you really won't," the ghost said.

"Wait, what do you mean?" Doofenshmirtz asked.

"Kids will still celebrate Christmas even if you destroy it. People all over the world will still celebrate it on December 25, so there's really no use destroying Christmas," the ghost explained.

"So, the only person I'll be destroying Christmas for is myself?" Doofenshmirtz asked.

"Pretty much," the ghost replied. Doofenshmirtz stared at the wall for a minute. "Yeah, well, I'll leave you with that," the ghost said and vanished.

The kids were over the Atlantic Ocean when Phineas started singing.

Dashing through the air

_In a propeller-powered sleight_

_Over the lands we go,_

_The nations and the lakes_

_Don't care what you think_

'_Cause we know why we're here_

_We got in this sleigh and traveled 'round the world_

_To spread some Christmas cheer_

_Oh let this be a great lesson_

_For all those who see this sight_

_And remember the first gift _

_On that calm and stary night_

_Oh kindness and generosity _

_Are the best gifts of all_

_So don't let the opportunity pass you by_

_When the chance gives you a call_

"Bringing no-bake cookies to all the nations, Flynn and Fletcher family Christmas Vacation!" The kids all shouted. They were in South America passing over a river.

"Hey, look, we're over that river that I can't pronounce!" Phineas said.

"Look, Phineas, people!" Candace said, making more boxes.

"Oh, yeah," Phineas said as Ferb took the boxes and started throwing them at people. Phineas joined him until they covered all of South and Central America. Then, they went to Hawaii and back to the States.

"Time to pack the layers back on," Phineas said, grabbing his coat.

"Perry the Platypus, I don't know if I'm going to go through with this plan, I mean, it won't do anything and it will just run up my electric bill…" Doofenshmirtz said. Perry suddenly opened his eyes and broke free of the reefs.

"What?! You escaped?!" Doofenshmirtz said, jumping out of be and running to Perry, who dodged Doofenshmirtz.

"Hey, look, it's Baljeet,' Phineas said, pointing to a boy who was standing by a pole. Candace lowered the sleight to Baljeet.

"Baljeet, what are you doing?" Phineas asked.

"Oh, hello, Phineas, it seems I have gotten my tongue stuck on a frozen pole," Baljeet said.

Phineas handed him some hot water and salt. "Have fun," he said. The kids went down the street to their house. Candace and Ferb dropped the lights on their house and went across the street to Isabella's.

"last one," Phineas said, dropping the box on the front step.

Perry grabbed a something that looked like a toy gun. "Oh, no, Perry the Platypus, don't use that you'll shoot your eye out," Doofenshmirtz said, taking the gun. In the process, the trigger got pulled back and the next thing they knew, Doofenshmirtz had a hand to his eye. "Oh I shot my eye out!" Doofenshmirtz yelled.

Perry grabbed one of Doofensmirtz's blankets and whipped it at him. Doofenshmirtz backed up into the machine and all the lights went red and the end glowed bright blue.

"Oh, that's not good," Doofenshmirtz said as the ray fired.

The ray hit the sleigh the kids were in and they landed in a snow pile.

"Who's there?" Isabella said, opening her back door. Phineas, Ferb, and Candace stuck their heads out. "Phineas and…What are you guys doing here? And more importantly, what are you doing in a snow back, in my backyard?" Isabella asked.

"We're a gift sent to you from heaven above," Phineas said. Ferb made horns for Phineas.

"Shouldn't you guys be getting home? I mean, it's late," Isabella said.

Perry locked Doofenshmirtz into the closet and locked the door. Then, he ran toward home.

"Curse you, Perry the Platypus!" Doofenshmirtz shouted

Phineas and Ferb were in their beds thinking about their day.

"Well, Ferb, so far this has been a great Christmas vacation, I can't wait to see what tomorrow has in store for us," Phineas said. They heard chattering. "Oh, there you are, Perry."


	2. Chapter 2 Epilogue

Candace, come see this!" Phineas shouted from outside. Candace came out and saw Phineas and Ferb with a bunch of envelopes.

"What's this?" Candace asked.

"Thank –you notes from all over the world!" Phineas said.

"Wait, I thought the postal service didn't run on Christmas," Candace said.

"It normally doesn't, but they had to or else the postal service would be backed up," Phineas said.

"Wow," Candace said.

"Hey, Candace!" she heard someone call. She turned around and saw Jeremy.

"I saw your gift, thanks so much for the cookies," Jeremy said, holding up a little silver box.

"Oh, um you're welcome," Candace said.

"I made you this," Jeremy said, handing her a little wrapped square. She opened it and saw a CD.

"Your own CD!" Candace said.

"Do you like it?" Jeremy asked.

"I absolutely love it," Candace said. "Do you want to come in? Your family will be over in a little bit, anyway."

"Sure, I can help you guys set up," Jeremy said as he and Candace walked into the house.

"And we heard them exclaim as they walked out of sight," Phineas said.

"Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night," Ferb finished.


End file.
